I Clocked You at 52 In A 35!

My dear readers…..I have a confession to make.

I was speeding!

It is something that I don’t do very often (if at all) and didn’t realize I was doing …until…

…well, until I saw the police car sitting in the median and I looked down at my “speed”-o-meter.

I “thought” the arrow was on the 40, but apparently I can add vision issues to my already growing list of maladies….did you know that your hearing is the first to go?

Oh well, that is a different story for a different time.

Today we are talking about Me and the Copper!

 

And as I zoomed past the patrol car, I was not surprised when he did a quick turn around, turned on his flashing red and blue lights and gave the siren a little whirl.  

And believe me I appreciated his not letting the siren blast and blare all through the quiet, still morning and I am sure all the people, still snug in their beds appreciated his kindness too.

I knew he was after me.

There were no other cars on the quiet, four lane residential road…neither coming or going. 

So at the first street corner, I pulled around the corner and stopped, reached for my driver’s license, rolled down my window and waited.

It seemed forever before he cautiously walked up very close to the car….peering in the windows.

I’m sure he was a bit surprised at the doggie car seat hooked on the front seat as well as the child booster seat sitting empty on the back seat.

“Good Morning” he chirped as he looked around the inside of the car and then right back at my hands clutching my license.  (I know these guys have to be super cautious these days…they never know what they might find when they make a routine stop) 

I answered back just as cheerily…“Good Morning”

“Is there an emergency?  Are you ok?” he asked in a non-confrontational way…he actually seemed very sincere.

“No emergency”, I responded sheepily.  “I am just on my way to church”.

“What time is church?” he asked a bit confused.

“8:15”  I responded knowing that the time might seem a bit strange as most church services are usually on the hour or half hour.

“What time is it now?” he asked

I glanced at the digital clock on my dashboard.  “8:12” ….I replied, wondering if he didn’t have a watch or clock in his patrol car.  

“Well, I want you to know that I clocked you at 52 in a 35” .  

He was now smiling at me and I was looking at his crisp clean uniform thinking he must send his uniforms to the cleaners as no one (spouse or otherwise) could put all those crisp creases in just the right places with a normal iron and ironing board.

I know…kinda strange to be thinking of uniforms while the policeman is stopping me for speeding.

“I didn’t think I was going that fast,”  I stammered.

“May I see your license please?” he asked stepping closer to the window.

I handed him my driver’s license and then I said….

“That picture is horrible, it makes me look like a convict”…and no sooner were the words out of my mouth, that I regretted my attempt at humor.  

(Well, it works at department stores and other places that I have to show my awful driver’s license picture…it makes them laugh and yes, it made the officer laugh too.)

Whew!

But then he had another question for me.

“Have you any outstanding tickets or warrants”

I gave him an incredulous look and said triumphantly…

“No!” I felt the need to continue….“I haven’t had a ticket for 45 or 50 years”.

I quickly bit my lip to stop me from saying out loud my next thought, which was …“and that was for speeding in a school zone”.

Yep, I better keep that to myself.  I have watched those cop shows where one talks too much and gets hauled off to the clinker, the slammer, the…well, you get what I mean.

Had I said the speeding ticket was during the Christmas Holiday School Break and there were no kiddos at school, I am sure he would have understood that going 25 in a 20 wasn’t such a bad deal….but I kept quiet.

I zipped my lip.

He was still smiling as he said…“well, lets get this going so you can get to church”.…and he walked back to his patrol car.

I looked at the dashboard clock for the umpteenth time since this ordeal started…evaluating just how late I was going to be for church.

I was regretting the extra time I took wiping down the faucets and sinks in my master bath, but you see, I have this thing that if something ever happens…and I don’t make it back home…and someone, stranger or friend, has to go in my home to pick up something for me….I want my home to be nice and tidy!  And my bed definitely has to be made and the hot tea and juice glasses must be in the dishwasher and….ok, ….

I know…weird huh?

My thoughts returned to church.

I would be missing Pastor Keith walking around greeting everyone before the service.

…..AND, since he had been on vacation for the last two weeks,  I would be missing any inside information on his travels,  because I would have asked how it was in the mountains of the Carolina’s.

……AND I would most likely miss the first two hymns and perhaps the announcements, if I had issues finding a parking space in the church parking lot.

I am sure you can relate if you have ever noticed that one usually sits in the same pew (or side table in the Captain’s and my case) and one usually parks in the same parking space at the church parking lot or as near to it as one can get.  

Sigh, I am afraid we are creatures of habit aren’t we?

But I sat there waiting patiently for my speeding ticket…my fingers lightly strumming on the steering wheel.

The officer returned to my car and handed me a yellow citation. and he still had that smile.

WHY did he keep smiling at me?

“This is only a warning, but please drive a little slower to church and enjoy your service.”

“Thank you so much” I blurted out anxious to be on my way and very grateful I didn’t get a fine. 

And again, I had to bite my lip to keep from saying something like…“I never take this street so I didn’t know the speed limit was only 35, almost all the other 4 lane streets are 45 or 50, I usually take Veteran’s and everyone goes 60 on that 4 lane.”

No, it was best to keep quiet.  This grandma was no Ma Barker, who by the way also happened to be from Florida! Yikes! 🙂

So, with a wave of my hand, and a grateful smile, I stuffed the yellow ticket into my purse (I would read it later) and I moved my car forward.

I turned around in the first sleepy, neighborhood driveway on my left, got back on the 4 lane street and then I drove like a snail until I was out of the sight of the still sitting patrol car.

After church…..and after I got home, I decided I better tell the Captain of my “adventure”.

He was flying as this was his 7 days “on”, so I texted him a copy of the warning ticket. I took my hair down from the messy bun and with two hair ties, pulled my hair in two droopy pigtails.  I took a selfie with a silly smile and attached that to the warning ticket. The only comment I made was:

“This was the smile I used with the policeman this morning”

Later, he texted me back and said:

“So, I’m married to a criminal! LOL, a Speeder, Oh My!”

I texted back…

“Yep!!! But a pardoned one”

Now, I am not going to tell you what else he said because it was political and we don’t need to open that can of worms. 😉

But it was really funny!  You are just going to have to use your imagination.

But I am still laughing!

I hope you all have a wonderful week….and watch that speedometer, especially on quiet Sunday mornings!